Sunday, August 07, 2005

Entonces au revoir y ciao?

So I'm on a roll... I haven't even left yet and this is my third post! Haha, well, c'est la vie: I have a lot on my mind.

Entonces, why is it so hard to say goodbye? I mean, besides hard in the sense that I don't want to have to say goodbye, all of my goodbyes (change the "y" to an "i" and add "e-s"?) thus far have been unsatisfying, even slightly awkward. Today was the last time I'll see several good friends until at least December, and saying "bye" seemed hollow and anticlimactic. It's not that I expected us to start sobbing as we embrace (cue the sappy music in the background), but it felt empty, a little unreal and irrelevant even. We say "Oh God, I won't see you till FOREEEEVER." It's always then "Well, have a great time in Ethiopia, I know that it'll be an incredible experience." Have I ever responded by saying anything other than "Thanks, and have a GREAT year!"? We hug, and sometimes it's hard to tell how tight we are allowed to squeeze. We let go to devour one last momentary glance at each other, ingesting only traces of each other to last as final memories. Then we hug again even tighter than the first time. "Well... this is it I guess," we sigh. We smile. It's all happened so quickly. Are we looking each other in the eye? I can't remember. "I love you." "I love you more."

But it is bittersweet, incomplete, not at all fulfilling.