Where I'm at Now...

Well, certainly not more clarity than before. I wish that my head would stop clink clink clanking. I wish that everything would make sense.

By the time I was rumbling rambles of rumination I feel like I reached a point of preachy self-righteousness. Then I read a quote that a friend of mine shared: "What if instead of judging you I had the courage to see myself in you. What if I had the courage to admit that that could me. What if I could love us through it..." And that made me stop and think. A lot... clink clink clanketty clinky clinkers clinketty click clock cluck claaaaank...

It made me think about the power of love. And compassion and understanding, but really love. To affect change, to create peace. It made me reflect on myself and my actions. Besides the fact that I don't really know who or what I am anymore - my ego and sense of self have effectively been destroyed along this journey - it made me reflect on my words, and a certain anger and bitterness in them as I create a separation between myself and others. Really we're all the same. What am I angry about? Why am I bitter? Can I purge this nasty snake from within me? How can I be happy? How can I emanate love?

And as an antithesis to Harvard there's Gaia University. A self-directed action learning program based on restorative ecological and social justice. It's basically what I believe and want to do with my life. I feel it so deeply. And I feel it gives me the potential to truly blossom. But for some reason I can't let go. Not yet. And who knows, maybe never. And that thought clenches my chest. Tight. Chokes. But there's a life that I could have if I return to Harvard that also excites me, in a different way.

I don't know.

All I'm sure of is that there's something more. All I'm sure of is that a revolution is coming, or maybe it's already here, rumbling, grumbling quietly, faintly, arms stretching, big yawning, eyes opening, slowly, taking its time to really WHAMBO SLAM COME TO LIFE!!!